I spend my time doing nothing, doing without doing, waiting—simply waiting.

Just for a little while now. Then maybe a little longer.

I don't really know what I'm hoping for, but something tells me to stay and learn to enjoy myself, like a fisherman on the horizon enjoying the nothingness.

And while I wait, I feel, I observe myself, I take care of myself, I love myself, I listen to myself. I can even observe what I’m waiting for as a thought of the future that, as I observe it, becomes the present.

I feel the energy in my body; I watch my wild thoughts screaming at me, “Stop waiting and take action!” In reality, they just want me to stop feeling what I’m feeling right now; they want me to run away from myself.

But I stand firm on the rock.

I'll wait. Maybe just a little while today, and a little longer tomorrow.

And I do this even as I talk with you, paying attention to myself while I pay attention to you. And my mind tells me, “Do something—don’t let him talk to you like that”… or “You have to help him”… or “He’s hopeless—you’d better leave as soon as possible.” These are the crazy conversations in my mind as I continue to feel my way through this moment, observing my interpretations of it.

And yes, maybe I'll say NO, or maybe I'll help you, or maybe I'll leave. It doesn't matter; it's irrelevant. Any answer is fine.

My heart guides me to keep exploring within myself. And I listen to it—sometimes just by trying, believing that waiting is pointless.
And sometimes by receiving—which is when total understanding and tenderness for this moment arise.

Everything is intertwined, and sometimes I don't know when I'm waiting, and I don't know when I'm receiving.

Waiting and the goal are one and the same. And both waiting and giving and receiving simply happen. You keep trying until it happens. It’s hard until it’s easy. It’s only my deepest will that decides. I wait, I receive, I give. In reality, it’s all the same.

What do I hope for? Understanding, clarity, and love

What do I give? The meanings of this moment

What do I receive? Life, gratitude, freedom.

And this is the cycle of the path of awareness. I enter and I leave. I wait and I receive. I get angry and I make peace. And in the meantime, quietly and stealthily, almost without a sound, the transformation takes place within me.

Life happens on the inside.

I'm tired of hiding.

I give myself, I receive myself, I love.

In reality, what I long for has already arrived; it is here. The waiting is Love. The waiting and the goal are one and the same, but the heart has not yet come to understand this.

I can observe everything I tell myself: when I have more time, when I achieve that, when I’m feeling better… I can observe my fear of waiting.

I reflect on my uncertainty about whether this is the right moment—here, as I wait, while I pay attention to all the sensations emanating from my body.

I wait in silence, feeling an energy that my mind calls anxiety, and I hear my thoughts rushing in, shouting at me, “Get out of there.”

But I'm staying a little longer. As I wait, I'm saying "Yes" to Life, to everything that's happening within me.